My family has been through a lot these past 6 years and I sometimes
joke that our life could be turned into a Lifetime movie, but God has
been so good to us and has granted us such a sense of peace through
everything. I have
witnessed God’s hand throughout our entire journey with infertility in
more ways than I could ever fit into a single entry (we will refer to
these
moments as “God Winks,”) I’ve ended up at a doctor’s office where the
staff has become
like family. I can talk to my doctor about our faith and the major moral
realities of infertility treatment. I know that the staff constantly
said prayers for us, even though they didn't share the same faith as
Lawrence and I.
And for those of you who are asking how I could possibly be thankful or
at peace during this time, or for those of you who have that “If God is
so great, how could this be His plan for you, when plenty of ‘unfit’
mothers have no problem getting pregnant” mentality, I say to you this:
How can you not see God’s hand in all of this?
Medically, I fall into the "Unexplained Infertility" category. My body has responded perfectly to medications.
We have produced beautiful embryos every.single.time. I’ve
been poked/prodded/drained of blood more times than I can
count. While it’s possible that there is something we’re missing,
there’s a very real reality: It just wasn't ‘our time’ yet.
Maybe
I’m naive. Maybe I’m being too simplistic. If that’s the case, I’m
okay with it. 1 Samuel 1: 27 states, “For this child, I have prayed.”
For this child. For this child. I know that when my children arrive and I
hold them in my hands, it will make perfect sense. At that moment, I
will know that those children are children of our destiny. Those were
the
babies that God specifically chose for us. Not Gingy (our first baby who
we called 'Gingy' since in the ultrasound the baby looked like a
gingerbread man), not the twins from our second
cycle, but the ones that are developing in my womb this very moment.
I’ve always found tremendous peace in knowing that looking back,
everything worked out and fell into place exactly the way it was
supposed to. To me, that is no accident. That is God’s hand in our
lives. Five, ten, even twenty years from now, we will look back on this
journey and we will be able to see how things have fallen into place
without accident. It’s like when you’re caught up in fog, and you can’t
even see the water beneath you, but you know it’s there. Eventually, the fog burns off,
and things are exactly where they’re meant to be.
For those of you going through infertility (or any other trying
situation) I think it’s very easy to fall into the questioning mentality
of “Why me?” You know what? Every time that whole “Why us?” thing has
popped into my head, it has immediately been replaced with a thought of
“Why NOT us?” (And that’s a God Wink.) There’s a reason that God chose
this journey for us. It’s all a part of our adventure.
*Parts of this post were taken
from a woman named Loren who has faced this IVF journey and is still praying
and believing for her miracle.
