God Winks

My family has been through a lot these past 6 years and I sometimes joke that our life could be turned into a Lifetime movie, but God has been so good to us and has granted us such a sense of peace through everything. I have witnessed God’s hand throughout our entire journey with infertility in more ways than I could ever fit into a single entry (we will refer to these moments as “God Winks,”) I’ve ended up at a doctor’s office where the staff has become like family. I can talk to my doctor about our faith and the major moral realities of infertility treatment. I know that the staff constantly said prayers for us, even though they didn't share the same faith as Lawrence and I.

And for those of you who are asking how I could possibly be thankful or at peace during this time, or for those of you who have that “If God is so great, how could this be His plan for you, when plenty of ‘unfit’ mothers have no problem getting pregnant” mentality, I say to you this: How can you not see God’s hand in all of this?

Medically, I fall into the "Unexplained Infertility" category.  My body has responded perfectly to medications. We have produced beautiful embryos every.single.time.  I’ve been poked/prodded/drained of blood more times than I can count. While it’s possible that there is something we’re missing, there’s a very real reality: It just wasn't ‘our time’ yet.

Maybe I’m naive. Maybe I’m being too simplistic. If that’s the case, I’m okay with it. 1 Samuel 1: 27 states, “For this child, I have prayed.” For this child. For this child. I know that when my children arrive and I hold them in my hands, it will make perfect sense. At that moment, I will know that those children are children of our destiny. Those were the babies that God specifically chose for us. Not Gingy (our first baby who we called 'Gingy' since in the ultrasound the baby looked like a gingerbread man), not the twins from our second cycle, but the ones that are developing in my womb this very moment.
 
I’ve always found tremendous peace in knowing that looking back, everything worked out and fell into place exactly the way it was supposed to. To me, that is no accident. That is God’s hand in our lives. Five, ten, even twenty years from now, we will look back on this journey and we will be able to see how things have fallen into place without accident. It’s like when you’re caught up in fog, and you can’t even see the water beneath you, but you know it’s there. Eventually, the fog burns off, and things are exactly where they’re meant to be.

For those of you going through infertility (or any other trying situation) I think it’s very easy to fall into the questioning mentality of “Why me?” You know what? Every time that whole “Why us?” thing has popped into my head, it has immediately been replaced with a thought of “Why NOT us?” (And that’s a God Wink.) There’s a reason that God chose this journey for us. It’s all a part of our adventure.

*Parts of this post were taken from a woman named Loren who has faced this IVF journey and is still praying and believing for her miracle.